As reported by the BBC, the European Commission says it is being targeted increasingly by spies, who may include a “pretty trainee with long legs and blonde hair”. Oh, really?! Have the Russians given up on their fat, middle-aged, male spies after they kept getting mistaken for MEPs and dragged into parliamentary subcommittees on the colour of the new paperclips?
Why would anyone bother spying on the Commission at all? Why not just invite President Sarkozy over for a visit and pretend to be his friend. He will tell you all you want to hear, though some of it may not strictly be what we North-Western Europeans call ‘the truth’. Speaking of Sarkozy, has anyone bothered to do a background check on Carla Bruni? She has two passports, which is considered to be only one notch below treason where I live. Perhaps the Russians are not involved at all and there is only some internecine spying going on here. The real worry here is that we are neglecting our spying outside the EU!
Another question suspiciously ignored by this article is why pretty blondes with long legs would become spies at the EU at all? I would hope our commissioners require at least some sexual favours before spilling the good stuff. Do they believe their nation is worth this sacrifice? If so, they are wrong. I have yet to discover a nation whose culture amounts to more than a random collection of habits nobody can explain any longer, a body of art, politics and beliefs largely created by people who were executed by the same nation, all contained within a random corner of the world, with the exact boundaries usually determined by compromises after yet another unsuccessful war. The only benefit of the nation state I can think of is that it has made war such a costly business that politicians are now actually forced to think twice before starting one. Of course, you and I are against war as a matter of principle, but I’m not in any position to be vetoing wars and my guess is you aren’t either. But those people who run our countries; ooh, they are evil. If only we had some say in who runs our countries, war would be a matter of history instantly.
But perhaps I’m exploring the wrong angle here. The case may be that these women are just perverted and love the combination of sex and danger. If that is the case, why not leave politics out of it and just enjoy a good old cocaine-fuelled orgy with some consenting adults (and if you are one of these ‘young people’ I keep hearing about, “She didn’t struggle really hard” is not the same as consent)? With the ever increasing popularity of the donkey punch and HIV parties (just when I think my misanthropy has reached its limit, humanity presents another one of its fine members), there is now a fair chance you might die. How exciting! And all from the comfort of your own country. Just think of the carbon emissions you’ll save!
But what was my point? Ah yes. Espionage, it is evil. And we are losing! I demand my government takes some action! We need more pretty trainees with long legs and blonde hair. Now!
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