The secret of a long life: whisky, and wild women
Does this mean I can now get my health insurance to pay for my weekends?
PM: Recent weeks ‘among worst’
Cares deeply about the fate of Susan Boyle.
Alitalia sorry as Sicily vanishes
Rest of the world isn’t. Suggests Berlusconi moves there.
140mph Javelin train not as fast as it seems
Those [...]
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MPs call for better data on “slave trade”
Some people apparently don’t even have an expense account.
Sickly Britain crawls towards low growth
And when you’re very sickly, crawling towards low growth is a good thing.
Papers prove ship left toxic waste in Ivory Coast
You can prove anything with papers.
Danes say no to euro
Really? Denmark is in the EU? [...]
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Royal College of Nursing launches whistleblower hotline
Now you can get fired without all the hassle.
First genome transplant turns one species into another
Coming soon: kosher pork
Katie Price and Peter Andre announce split
No! If two airheaded wannabe celebrities who meet on reality tv can’t make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Pope [...]
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Google hires goats to cut grass
Also puts them in charge of privacy policy.
MPs’ expenses: Ministers who milked the system
Severe blow to democracy as MPs turn out to be just like the people they represent. Another buy-to-let mortgage anybody?
Germany to ban paintball after massacre
Not guns, though. They are just for hunting.
Fears Berlusconi divorce harming [...]
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Swine Flu Hand Washing Tips image gallery
Because apparently nobody is too stupid for NewsCorp.
Telescopes that could see the future
Scientists hope probes to be launched soon will help them predict how the Universe may end
Clearly not virologists then.
Virginia Tech Prof ‘Targeted By Gun Nuts’
Or, as they are colloquially known, “Americans.”
US families rely on handouts in [...]
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Study finds pirates 10 times more likely to buy music
Turns out they needed the ransom money to buy Katy Perry’s latest album.
Iceland votes after the economic meltdown
Decides to continue to believe in elves.
Alistair Darling’s fantasy Budget exposed
Free health care for elves promised as Alistair Darling attempts to become the next chancellor of [...]
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Frankenfood ban not populism or panic-mongering
Jury still out on the use of the term ‘Frankenfood’ though.
The baffling case of the jig-saw man
What is the real explanation for the bizarre trail of body parts strewn over middle England?
Guerilla advertising for Mr Potato Head reaches a new low.
Is Blair to blame for the state of the nation?
YES! [...]
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Facebook, Bebo and MySpace ‘to be monitored by security services’
Finally, a job the British intelligence services may be able to handle. I’m off to write a new Facebook app: “Start a doomed, illegal war with …”.
British-run orphanage ‘training Islamic militants’
Don’t worry, they’re trained with British work ethics.
Get ready for the 125ml wine glass
Bars and [...]
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Britain will be only nation still in recession next year
Ah, Britain’s special.
Stone Roses back together? Nope.
Sometimes things that do happen are just not enough to fill a paper.
Vomiting Bug Clue To Fat Duck Health Scare
A vomiting bug is a clue to people vomiting? I’m afraid I just don’t see it.
Teachers ‘Forced Pupils Into Cage Fighting’ [...]
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Germany gunman ‘had depression’
And, more importantly, ready access to guns and ammunition
Picture of contents of rapist cab driver’s private car’s boot
Be careful if you know someone who keeps bags in his boot. He may be a rapist.
Cameron ’sorry’ for debt mistakes
Not sorry for pretending that his mistakes actually influence policy.
Fire crews moving obese patients
Just [...]
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