Patrick Simpson

Study finds pirates 10 times more likely to buy music Turns out they needed the ransom money to buy Katy Perry’s latest album. Iceland votes after the economic meltdown Decides to continue to believe in elves. Alistair Darling’s fantasy Budget exposed Free health care for elves promised as Alistair Darling attempts to become the next [...]

Facebook, Bebo and MySpace ‘to be monitored by security services’ Finally, a job the British intelligence services may be able to handle. I’m off to write a new Facebook app: “Start a doomed, illegal war with …”. British-run orphanage ‘training Islamic militants’ Don’t worry, they’re trained with British work ethics. Get ready for the 125ml [...]

Germany gunman ‘had depression’ And, more importantly, ready access to guns and ammunition Picture of contents of rapist cab driver’s private car’s boot Be careful if you know someone who keeps bags in his boot. He may be a rapist. Cameron ‘sorry’ for debt mistakes Not sorry for pretending that his mistakes actually influence policy. [...]