Several Dutch people have filed claims for damages after being shocked by the incidents of last Queen’s day. Mind you, these people did not witness the incident, they watched it on television. Of course, this has provoked all kinds of dismissive comments about the claimants being idiots who are too affected by things they see on television and are only looking for personal gain at the expense of others.
I actually see this as a positive development. For one, it reaffirms my opinion that 90% of people are idiots who are too affected by things they see on television and are only looking for personal gain at the expense of others. (The other 10% have no television. Interesting people are statistically insignificant. If you think this sounds a bit cynical, guess which group you’re in.) More importantly, I see it as an opportunity for personal gain at the expense of others.
You see, unlike these wimps, I have seen really shocking things on television. Once, while mindlessly flicking through the channels, I witnessed something gruesome. It was a documentary about a little boy who suffered from severe psychoses. The boy seemed to believe he was a magician of sorts, as did the people around him. Now, I only stumbled on this program halfway through, so I’m not sure if these people were fellow psychotics, or part of some kind of weird therapy that validates psychoses in order to show how ridiculous they are, but I do know that the next person over the age of eleven I meet that professes to like Harry Potter will be severely victimised and I will feel so bad about this that Ms Rowling will have to pay.
And it is not just television. Have you ever seen the internet? It is full of horrible things. Such as this. It is also full of stupid people. Perhaps you’ve seen this video of Miss South Carolina. I know it may seem hard to believe, but there are actually people on the internet who are shocked by this level of stupidity and took time out of their busy schedules to tell me about it. Has my cynicism taught them nothing?
But perhaps even worse than television and the internet is real life. It is full of horrible, horrible things. With their wands and spells and telling me I should read Harry Potter too.
Disclaimer: This post was commissioned by hyperstruct. For complaints – perhaps you are a Harry Potter fan – please contact him directly. If you would like a post on a topic of your choice, please suggest one and do something to become interesting enough for me to care.
6 Comments
I’ll contact him directly for sure. He didn’t tell me that he loved Harry Potter, but I think I should have noticed that strange wand coming out from the pointed hat the other day. O_o
No, really.
I didn’t hear about Miss South Carolina before your post, so I’ll probably sue you and him together. Prepare your lawyers!!! En garde!
However, we might find an agreement: I’m willing to not blow your factory up for… no wait, that was another post.
Come to think of it, there isn’t anything I can think of that would look more like a wizard than him in a pointy hat. I’m going to sue him too. How about we make it a class action?
Oh, s**t.
Yeah, that’s what I thought, but do add a robe, it would totally complete the picture.
As a matter of fact, why don’t I bring both tomorrow? As an HP lover I’ve got those items lying around, of course.
And about that severely-victimised-threat: I laugh in the face of danger. Whahaha! (oh, sorry, Disney-reference)
xoxo
PS What’s so strange about that Miss South Carolina girl? (o shoot, I can’t hold a straight face with this one… never mind)
PPS Hey, should I feel offended by your last paragraph? I only wanted to share with you the joys of Hogwarts and Quidditch, as I experienced them.
My intention is never to offend anyone (bwahaha, yeah right). If you did feel offended, perhaps you can use a Harry Potter take-away-real-world-and-escape-into-fantasy spell?
Cute… I’ve got complete trust in your intentions.
But no, I’ll put my own spell on him.
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