Patrick Simpson

For a quick introduction to this series, see “The truth is not out there #1“.

The next conspiracy theory I’ll uncover here is that on 9/11, a Boeing 757 did not actually hit the pentagon. The conspiracy goes that some other means was used to explode the pentagon and that Muslim terrorists were not responsible for this.

The source stated by The Independent is a little flash film, which is a bit disappointing. The main thesis of this film seems to be that the damage left by a Boeing 757 crashing into a building would have been much greater. Being one of the sheep, you probably instinctively think that The Pentagon, being the headquarters of America’s formidable war machine, would have been built very sturdily, perhaps even to withstand a plane crash. But that is just nonsense. You forget that The Pentagon was built during the reign of FDR, who was a DEMOCRAT! That means all the money meant for the construction of The Pentagon actually went to healthcare for the poor. As a result, The Pentagon had to be build by the only things readily available under democratic rule: treasury bonds glued together with the souls of aborted babies. And when a plane crashes into a building like that, the building disintegrates. The Pentagon didn’t. What does that tell you? Exactly.

Another problem is that the hole left by the alleged Boeing 757 is simply too small for a Boeing 757. I’m not sure if this takes into account the typical build quality of American machinery. Rest assured, if it had been one of our Airbuses, there would not have been any Pentagon left. But I digress. Back to the point: the hole is simply too small. Now I have no clue how big the hole left by a Boeing 757 flying into a building should be (and even wikipedia has no page on this), but I have been scientifically trained, so I thought I would try to establish this. I wrote to The Pentagon suggesting I fly a plane into their building to measure the size of the hole left by it. They contacted me promptly, but strangely not through the secretary of their public office wanting to make an appointment. Instead, some of their fine agents payed me a personal visit and took me to Bulgaria for something called “waterboarding”. That was torture. And I have no idea how this was supposed to help my research. If Barack HUSSEIN Obama had not released all terrorist on his first day in office, I would probably still be in Bulgaria now. I think they’re trying to hide something!

So, another avenue of research needed to be explored. After some clicking, I managed to find this excellent article written by the eminent Laura Knight-Jadczyk, who has spent “30 years studying psychology, history, culture, religion, myth and the paranormal” and is therefore an expert on planes flying into buildings. Now, I only gave this article the cursory reading it deserves, but it is clearly written by someone who knows her conspiracies. For example, she explains why people tend not to believe conspiracy theories, she quotes someone with a degree in an irrelevant discipline and she rambles on longer than anyone wishes to continue reading. I am onto a winner here! Some of the points raised by Mrs Knight-Jadczyk:

The conspirators possessed the professional skill to fly an aircraft. There had to be at least four of them with substitutes on hand in the event one of them failed. There is a high probability that the hijacking of an aircraft will fail, thus there had to be stand-by hijackers and/or pilots in this eventuality

Now, dear reader, you’re probably thinking “nah, you don’t really need a backup plan for suicide terrorism.” So wrong. Since the disaster with the shoe bomber, suicide terrorist are required to comply with ISO standard 19832, “Redundancy provisions in international terrorism.” Without proper certification, there is no chance of a terrorism license.

All participants in the operation were ready to sacrifice themselves, and such individuals are not easy to find.

Another fine point. Have you ever heard of anyone willing to sacrifice their life for any cause? Ridiculous.

The departure times of the aircraft from four different points were coordinated minute by minute. This means that the routes and timing were known well in advance, and these particular flights were selected specifically for their routes and schedule.

Again, good point. There is no way to know in advance when a plane will depart. And given that there are only five flights a day in the continental USA, the chance of finding four of them at the same time is negligable.

Could, for example, the Red Army carry out such an operation?

Excellent display of independent thinking, Mrs Knight-Jadczyk! Most people believe the Red Army was disbanded along with the Soviet Union in 1992, but that is just what the KGB wants you to think!

It is known that there were telephone calls from the plane. One of the calling persons was a professional journalist. And yet, not one of the calling individuals said that they were being hijacked by “moslem[sic] terrorists.” There was, apparently, nothing unusual about the appearance of the hijackers. There was no attempt to describe them. No one said: “Moslem terrorists have hijacked the plane,” which would have logically been the first comment by this journalist IF it was apparent that the hijackers were “foreign.”

That is true. Americans are racist as hell. And anyone can recognize a Muslim: they are not white. So it cannot have been Muslim terrorists, the culprit must have been white. And perhaps operating on a national scale. The conclusion is obvious: the French. They look just like Americans, because you cannot see cowardice. Also, they were opposed to the Iraq war that followed from these attacks. Coincidence? Make up your own mind. And do you know where the French where in the 1950s? French Indochina. Also known as Vietnam! They were fighting a war against the rebels, but they lost. Their superior army lost a war of independence against some jungle dwellers with pointy sticks and AK-47s. Clearly they are not a nation capable of decent wars and would have to resort to dirty tricks like this. And there is not even a French word for “no we did not fly a plane into your building in 2001″! There is only one solution: get even! Fly a plane into the Eiffel Tower. That is made of steel, so better make it an Airbus.