The Vetting and Barring Scheme is a new scheme by which people who will be working with children will have to be registered in a central database, to avoid the possibility of exposing The Children to registered sex offenders. The scheme was initiated after the Soham muders and will come into effect in October. Surprisingly, this is causing quite a stink.
Sure, it may be overly intrusive (e.g. also requiring children’s authors to be registered before being allowed to visit schools), insanely expensive (£62 to get registered, on a teacher’s pittancesalary), open to abuse and likely to further erode any form of trust. Oh, and it would not have stopped the Soham murders, with him not being a registered sex offender. But that is easily fixed by also recording charges that are dropped, or merely the police’s suspicions. Sure, it may seem a bit unfair that a mistake made by the police can ruin any future hopes of becoming a teacher, but this is Britain and any dealing with the police that does not involve being killed by them is a good day.
But I digress. The point is that to be against this scheme because of its flaws is to misunderstand it. You see, the government does not care about your Children. If it did, it would be coming up with ways to prevent more likely threats to them, such as being abused by family members or stabbed by friends (though Alan Johnson – the new Home Secretary – is probably coming up with a new type of contract in which friends commit themselves in an unenforceable way to a stab-free existence). The government cares about people’s votes and if their fears are irrational, so will be the solutions. And if a massive database appeases the electorate, a massive database it will be. And this is made all that much easier by the fact that Big Brother is now no longer a threat, but a fun evening in.
So, now that this system is in place, it will of course be extended to assuage other irrational fears people may have. One big fear is terrorism, especially of the Muslim kind. Good old, Christian, Northern Irish terrorism was never such a big deal, so clearly the Muslim aspect is the issue. Why not register all Muslims in a convenient central database and require people to prove they are not one before being allowed to commit a terrorist act?
Another major concern is Europe, or more generally The Abroad. The Abroad is full of scary people with different opinions. These Abroaders also carry scary diseases like malaria and leprosy. Some of them never even eat fish and chips. Clearly, these people are a threat! Why not record people’s Abroadness in the database, too? That way you’ll never have to hear the phrase “No, thank you, I don’t drink tea” ever again.
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